12 Reasons Why Sex is Neglected in Marriage

Three venues of votes – website, FB, and Up Mobile Media text-voting were calculated together, and the results are overwhelming! Over 92% of you believe sex in marriage is …


Three venues of votes – website, FB, and Up Mobile Media text-voting were calculated together, and the results are overwhelming! Over 92% of you believe sex in marriage is VERY IMPORTANT.  Less than 8% of you believe it is SOMEWHAT IMPORTANT.  Only 1% found sex to be NOT IMPORTANT.  

The question then presents itself: “If sex is very important to couples, why is it the single most neglected provision in marriage?”

Each year, statistics for frequency of sex between married couples declines. Even though there are proven surveys that the sexual act in its truest form (really making love) between married couples is more satisfying than for people who are not married. I contend this inequality in enjoyment is because of the liberating permission that accompanies the covenant relationship, as well as the knowledge of the commitment in marriage.

So, what makes us “ignore” or “place on the back burner” this “very important” element in our marriages? Here are my Top 12 reasons.  Perhaps you have others.  Feel free to add your comments.

  1. Too busy. Overbooked in our lives. We busy ourselves with other less significant priorities – if we could even categorize them as such.
  2. Too tired. Because of our overbooking, we’re exhausted by the time we get home. We overextend our kids, having to run them from hither to tither to yonder and back again, and by the time we wind down at night, we are just too pooped to pucker! And if you can’t kiss, who wants sex?
  3. Too stressed. We work ourselves up with issues with kids, with work, with life. We get emotionally wrapped-up and wrung-out with ordeals we find ourselves entangled in, sometimes at our own doing, and yes, those out of our control.
  4. Too sick. We may have a medical condition that impairs our libido. And if the condition doesn’t lessen our desire, the effects of the medications might.
  5. Too mad. We’ve had unresolved issues with our spouse that stack up, and we take them to bed with us. Then, we punish our spouse and ourselves when we hang onto them instead of talking them out. Not a good scenario – because we are likely to get into a habit of not having sex. And we all know how difficult habits are to break!
  6. Too emotional. The deep-seated psychological issues keep our sexual desire at bay – anger, fear, depression, perhaps being a victim of abuse or rape.
  7. Too unhappy. You may be grieving a loss, and you get stuck there. Or, you maybe unhappy with your spouse.  But typically, the unhappiness is with us as an individual, not our spouse. Women are typically unhappy with the body – either his or hers! Add an extra 10 pounds, and you cover up, shy away, push his hands away, roll over and go to sleep night after night. Until 10 pounds become 20, and 20, 30. And night after night becomes month after month, and sometimes year after year. I’ve had couples confess they haven’t been intimate for over six years! And they’re in their 40’s! Really alarming!
  8. Too bored. I call it the leftover syndrome. You serve up the same meal over and over and over, and eventually, it becomes boring! My husband just doesn’t like leftover meals – I’m talking meatloaf, chicken, spaghetti. So, what do I do? I spice it up. I make a casserole out of the leftover spaghetti, chicken salad or barbecue out of the chicken.  Add some cheese to the meatloaf. You get the picture. I wrap it up into a different package, and make him think he’s getting something different, but it’s the same end result, just a different look.
  9. Too selfish. We only worry about fulfilling our sexual needs and not fulfilling our spouse. No further explanation necessary.
  10. Too distracted. People look for things to distract them anymore. We allow too many “things” and ways of communicating get in the way of our personal touch – from TV, to videogames, to our computers – and mostly FB!  OMG! Don’t even get me started!
  11. Too many inhibitions. We have been taught either by example or verbiage that sex is “forbidden,” something “dirty,” or it’s only for “procreation.” Often those shameful thoughts exceed our thoughts and reflect in our actions as we push our spouse away, or hurry through our dutiful obligation.
  12. Too lazy. Even though we know the benefits of exercise and daily devotionals/prayer, we’re too lazy to dive in. The same goes for sex. We’re just too slothful to respond. It’s far too much trouble to get motivated; even though once we allow ourselves the pleasure, we receive wonderful benefits – from exercise, devotionals/prayer, and sex. Just do it! You’ll be glad you did!

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