A Woman of Definition
- Thursday, 02 December 2010 16:15
- Joyce Oglesby
Do I really know how I want to be loved? It’s a question we should all consider. Many of you …
Many of you wanted me to share some of the tips I enumerated on the show about “Do I Really Know How I Want to Be Loved?” It was concerning a lady who emailed me with a concern. She said – and I’ll paraphrase and condense, “I get so tired of the give, give, give and not getting what I need, need, need. I’m a nurturer, and I’ve always taken care of him. I’m a dutiful wife and take care of his needs, but it’s usually on his terms. I hardly ever get fulfilled. We never have conversation leading up to the sexual act. It leaves me pretty cold anytime he turns up the heat. He sits and watches ballgames when there are so many projects around the home to get done. I get frustrated. I take care of almost everything. I have for years. I just am ready for things to change, but don’t know that they ever will. Is there a way to undo it this late in the game? If I have to settle, I will. I’m committed. It just seems there should be more to marriage and family than this.”
Following are some of the tips I provided concerning this. Prayerfully, you will incorporate some of things into your marriage, and learn that there is a lot more to marriage … when two people team up to make it become all it has the potential to be.
- Couples need to take care to make love in the rest of their world before they attempt it in the bedchamber. Guys, if you want your wife really engaged in that bedroom, hug and love and dote on her all during the day. Make that woman feel special! We just need that kind of attention. Women need tenderness.
- Guys, find out one thing she wants you to do each week, and get ‘er done. Now, if it’s add a screened-in porch or a Florida room onto your home, then, that might not be too reasonable in a week’s time, but some minor project she wants you to accomplish is very reasonable. It’ll do wonders for your marriage, and your sex life. (If it doesn’t, send her to me for counseling!)
- Gals, don’t fight your nurturing qualities. Nope, you don’t have to be a slave, nor should you feel enslaved to any one particular person in your household – and especially your spouse, because that’s not what we are – we are partners. A team. Not master/servant. But, discern what’s nurturing and what’s overboard. If you create a monster, own it and don’t complain about it. It’s hard to put the beast to rest once it grows out of proportion of your strength and control.
- As far as feeling worthy of receiving … if you’re a Christian, none of us are worthy of the gift we receive, yet each of us have the same opportunity to unwrap it. Some of us are just built more to give … and yes, that could be a product of our childhood – some sordid past we keep blaming. But, rejoice in that; don’t look at it as your nemesis. Let it be your gift. Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” My greatest joy in life is in giving. I do have trouble receiving, as well, but not because I don’t feel worthy. I just feel humbled. Don’t confuse the two. There is a difference!
- Even if you can’t put your monster to rest and you have to settle at keeping it alive if you want to save your family, rejoice and be content in all things. It’s really going to depend on your attitude. If you look at it as a drudgery, it will be one … every single day. If you count it all joy, it will be such … every single day. Rejoice that you have a family to love …not serve … but to love. It’s all in the way you look at things. God will give you the strength to get it all done.
- And, yes, marriage should be more. It should be sharing, fulfilling – in every way: sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. And there’s no reason it can’t be. It’s just going to be a lifestyle change for the two of you. But, you can’t start a new game without making some new rules. So, have the heart-to-heart chat with your honey, put on your hunting gear, team gear, or golf gear, whatever it takes, and get on his playing field first. Eventually, he’ll come over to yours. It’s funny how it works that way.
- Allow me qualify that: Most every time. Not all of the species of men are going to respond to this formula, but you know what, I have a lot of faith in men. Most of them DO respond to women who really put forth an effort. Most of them WANT to please their woman. Especially if they’re Christians. (If they’re not a Christian, you’ve already started off in a deficit. And, that’s something to consider.)
- Some of them just don’t know HOW to please you. So, become a woman of definition. Learn to express how you desire to be loved. Yes, it will take practice, but it can be done. Much of the time, you’d be surprised how your man will step up and do his part, when you simply decide to partner up with him instead of keeping those yearnings to yourself. Don’t make him read your mind. It’s probably in a different language than he’s familiar with.