Q: “I think my husband is having an affair with my best friend. I don’t have proof; it’s just a feeling. There are no conversations I can trace on his phone, and I see no unusual credit card expenditures. But when we’re together, they are constantly talking and laughing, and touching each other a lot, like on the arms or legs. He has a lot more conversations with her than he ever does with me. I love my husband and don’t want to lose him. What should I do?”
A: Sounds like it’s time to find a new friend…but I wouldn’t trade in the husband just yet.
No proof is a good thing. I’m liking that there’s no evidence on the phone and no unusual credit card expenses. Not to play the Devil’s advocate, I am, however, concerned about the levels of “connection” they seem to exhibit in front of you.
Here are some things to consider.
Are you a jealous person? Have you had these kinds of suspicions in the past? If so, were they unfounded? Being brutally honest about a situation can save lots of heartache. It’s not always easy to admit our own problems, but in order to assess situations fairly, this is a time for self-assessment. Now, having that out of the way, let’s look at the situation.
Is this behavior between your husband and your friend something recent? Perhaps they’ve always been friendly, but the sense I’m getting from you is that this is a new occurrence. It’s certainly something that has recently caught your attention and is now troubling you.
Is your husband simply a friendly, outgoing kind of guy? Does he interact with all of your friends, and his, in this manner? Again, the sense I’m getting from you is that their conduct has become different than in the past. But, I don’t want you to make more of this than there is if he’s really friendly to everyone. Perhaps it’s your friend who has misinterpreted his response, but he is certainly adding to it by his advances, and he is absolutely the one who can stop any misunderstanding she has.
Does he look forward to get-togethers when she’s involved? That’s a definite red flag. Although, again, be fair in your assessment of whether he has always “looked forward” to being with friends in the same regard—yours or his.
Regarding the phone and credit cards. Whereas I’m encouraged there aren’t any red flags there, let’s not be naïve enough to think that there couldn’t be another phone you’re unaware of and cash could be used in lieu of debit/credit cards. I’m not necessarily validating your suspicions, however, I do want to advise you about things that could present themselves in disguise.
Now, let’s address my real source of concern about your question: Your suspicions. I believe spouses know one another well enough to realize when something isn’t quite right. So, let’s get you a plan to address the situation and get your husband back to giving you the attention he gives your friend.
Make it happen. Share your feelings. Reclaim what’s yours. Get love back on track. Preserve your legacy. It’s yours! Don’t let it go.