TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2017

XXX Theater has ruined my marriage!

Q:  “My husband and I have been going to XXX Theater for lots years. He wanted to start swinging, and so I did. He says I enjoy it more than I should, and now he wants nothing to do with me and is angry at me all the time. We’ve been married a long time and I don’t want to lose his love. What can I do?”

A:  As Dr. Phil would ask: “How’s that working for you?”  Obviously, it isn’t. But, I could have told you that before you set foot in the door the first time. It started out really “simple,” didn’t it? What does a harmless porn movie do? It excites and spices up romance between a couple. It can. But, the lingering effects aren’t nearly as exciting as the “moment” of pleasure.

Statistics have proven the harmful effects of pornography far outweigh its benefits.  The percentages of people addicted to pornography is amazing, and it is no respecter of race, creed or belief system. It has infiltrated countless Christian homes and is ruining endless marriages! Prayerfully yours will not be among those ended after many years of investment.

The “simplicity” of your husband’s invitation bought you both more problems than he likely bargained for at the beginning of the “thrill.” One sin manifested into another and another and another. Now, you have years of experimenting with others, and it has dulled the senses leaving your love shattered.

Can you recapture what you’ve lost? Perhaps. But not without a couple of things in place.

#1:  Cease and desist. You’ll have to leave your former life behind. Clearly it has not been your friend, only a fanciful pastime and a way to dismiss what you really have been missing at home: commitment. “Lots of years” of spiciness might be difficult to walk away from, but not when you consider the tremendous loss you have facing you if you don’t.

#2: Replace your habit. What do people who struggle with any addiction do, whether it’s cigarettes, alcohol or narcotics? They get a plan and find a substitute for their addiction. I will be quick to offer one to you–JESUS! He promises He will carry our burdens, and He does. He promises we can do ALL things through Him who strengthens us…and we can. Each of you will have to decide, number one, to step out of your previous lifestyle; number two, to substitute what you had with Jesus as well as one another; and, number three, make every effort to get back to the place you were when you first married–completely in love and totally devoted to one another.

#3:  Forget the past. You can’t move into a better future without putting the past behind you. It will take forgiveness–of your spouse and yourself. You will never make progress without putting forgiveness at the forefront of your mending.  Again, Jesus is the Master Forgiver…and you must understand how He models it to ensure that you truly can forgive and move on.

#4: Learn to love again. For “lots of years” you have been looking for contentment. I will assure you it will never come from worldly pleasure. Perhaps you and your husband struggled with what true love really is, but it’s time to learn how he needs to be loved and vice-versa. God never intended for us to be happy. He wants us to be blessed. You are missing the most beautiful blessing life can afford–an abiding love.

#5: Begin counseling. You can do this without professional help from a counselor, mentor or pastor, but I would encourage you to seek guidance. Open the Bible; it’s a great starting point. But, seek out someone who will sort through your baggage and help you both get your feet on solid ground. Your marriage is not hopeless, but it certainly is hurting! If he won’t agree to go with you, go alone. You will need to figure out how to navigate life with the brokenness that now exists, as well as what’s on the horizon. You also need an encourager and/or accountability person to help you manage to break free from what will be the ruination of not only your marriage but of you.

Here’s a bit of truth: You can live temporarily without immorality, but you will die eternally with it.  Whatever it takes…step out of this lifestyle.

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